Full resumption of lessons. What should we do if children keep crying?

Source: Registered Clinical Psychologist, Yiu Fong Lee

Faced with the full resumption of classes, parents may face some very troubling issues. For example, children may cry during school and not want to be separated from their parents, or they may open their eyes the next morning and say, “Mum, I don’t want to go to school.” Some children may also have nightmares at night. What should we do when a child is afraid of going to school or does not want to be separated from his or her parents?

If a child really does not want to go to school, parents can ask him, “What are your reasons for not wanting to go to school? Get to know him. The reason may be that he is afraid of being separated from his parents, that he feels uncomfortable in an unfamiliar environment, or that he is afraid of what his teachers and classmates will be like. What should we do? Here are a few ways to help.

Firstly, read some parent-child picture books with your child, in which there are different school scenarios, to help your child pay attention to what school is actually like in advance. We can also use some dolls to help children learn how to play the role of the child and what he can do to calm his emotions when he is worried about going to school. What would he do to help calm his emotions? For example, the doll may say to himself, “I’m going to take a breath and calm myself,” or the doll may say to himself, “I’ll see my mommy and daddy soon tonight”, so that he can calm himself down for a while.

Secondly, we can help your child get used to the school environment in advance so that he knows what it is like. We may allow him to get to know his form teacher and other teachers or to see what the school and classroom environment are like, so that he can be prepared.

Thirdly, we should avoid blaming the child and develop empathy for him. When a child may be crying or reluctant to go to school, do not say to him, “You are so ugly,” “You are not a baby anymore,” or “You are a big girl or a big boy.” These words make the children even more frightened. We can learn to tell our children, “Yes, mummy and daddy know you are scared.” It is normal for you to be scared because you have to learn to separate from your mom and dad or because you don’t know what will happen at school. Mummy and Daddy, on the other hand, guarantee that we will be waiting for you at home by tonight. Why don’t you come back and tell us what you saw, heard, and learned at school? We would love to hear more.

Fourthly, we can give our children a period of adjustment time. For example, parents can accompany their child to school and see if the school adjustment week is OK. For example, the parent may stay in the classroom with the child for half an hour, and then gradually spend less and less time in the classroom, maybe 15 minutes, or tell the children, “I’m going out to the bathroom now; I’ll be back,” or even leave the classroom altogether and observe the children outside, giving them a sense of safety.

At the same time, the child will gradually adapt to the lives of the other children, teachers, and school, which is a new life. I hope that the above methods will help parents build up this sense of security gradually and help children cope with their worries and anxieties.